Americentricity and Despair
11/1/01
Recently, I observed that soon after my anger moves out from me, it turns
around and comes straight back, with all its venom directed at myself. I
hear it tell me, in my own voice that I am worthless, no good, evil, stupid
and a host of other insults. Since the voice I hear hurling these abuses is
my own, I'm inclined to listen to what it says. The words land. They effect
me. They penetrate my skin and drive into my heart. I believe the voice. I
am worthless. I despair. I can't move. I'm stuck. Depressed.
There are many ways into despair. The only way out of despair is to live
life fully. To live is to love--not for anyone else’s sake but for myself to
live my life fully experiencing everything that happens. I want to take in
and feel the entire range of emotional variations that life offers, knowing
that as I move through my life with an open heart, I am having the complete
experience of my life. I don¹t want to limit my ability to feel. I don’t
want to harden myself. Even those experiences that cause me pain, though I
don’t enjoy the pain, complete my journey. In fact, the things that have
wakened me have been threats to my life and severe pain. These stimulate
much growth.
One of the things I'm trying to come to terms with is the fact that we're at
war. What does this mean to me? to us? to the world? Knowing of all the
potential for annihilation that we have under our dominion, what possible
good can come of this? I wonder if we were to stand by and not fight this
war, would we allow for another regime like that of Nazis to arise in the
Middle East? Or are we helping to create such a nation by fueling the fires
of hatred? Can we really destroy the source of "evil?"
When I listen to the mainstream news and governmental spokespeople, as I
observe so many of my fellow citizens rallying behind the cries for America
to "fight back," I see that "Americentricity" is alive and well and
protecting us from absorbing the full impact of our actions abroad. By
viewing the world from a purely American position, we have absolute rights
to defend ourselves. From our Americentric position, we are the defenders of
freedom and democracy. Our role is righteous and good. We are fighting evil.
There is a great deal of truth to our motivation and our intentions (looking
beyond our methods) that are fundamentally sound. There are networks of
violent people dead-set on destroying us. We must protect ourselves. Our
attackers lie in stealth, using our own infrastructure to deliver their
harm. We cannot identify them, because they work in small cells, hidden in
the fabric of every day America. Really, the terrorists have almost less use
of Osama bin Laden than we do, at this point. For us right now, he is the
bull's eye of our target. Without Osama, who are we fighting?
As America uses her military might in an effort to eliminate the
organization behind the September attacks, we are venturing down a bleak
road toward suffering and doom. We may not yet realize it, but we are
inflicting severe damage not only to the land of Afghanistan, but also to
our own weakening image as dominant world power.
We are at war. This has been declared by our President and those powerful
people in the government who, in this time of national grief and anger, want
to declare their unified support for the actions of our nation. Makes
sense--within the system. We need to stand together. We need to unite. We
need to act without hesitation or reservation . . . or . . . or what? Will
we appear weak to the world? Will we reinforce our image as the waffling
nation afraid to take decisive action? Will we look like wimps?
Those of us who seek peace must consider how to arrive at a new peace. We
cannot unilaterally declare peace the same way the President can declare
war. And we cannot sit by idly in hopes of that peace will create itself. We
cannot protest our way against the government to peace. The die has been
cast. We've started bombing; we have to see it through. We have to win the
war (whatever that means). Yet, even yet, we who believe in peace, who want
peace, who seek peace, must continue on our quest. Peace is not an abstract
concept. It is a desirable state of human cooperation and compromise. Peace
is a time when we bridge our distances through communication and
understanding. Peace is not easy, but peace is good.
Part of the dilemma I find myself in these days has to do with the
powerlessness I feel about the current situation in the world. I want to
contribute something to our global healing. I do not have authority in any
major capacity. I do not have the eyes or ears of the decision-makers. I
must do the work my hands find to do. I am one of those who considers
himself a "Spiritual Warrior," meaning those of us who share a belief that
there is a power in the universe that animates all life forms, who believe
that this power has a purpose for life itself, who hold to the belief that
the purpose for life is to return to the light from whence we came, whose
life efforts are devoted to the evolution of the soul, who are devoted to
the cause of perfecting the outer and inner expressions of our humanity as
expressions of integrity, and who dedicate themselves to bringing forward
the message that there is more to this life than we see on the surface.
In terms of the military strategy of our current campaign the ideas I'm
wrestling with have little value. In fact, my thinking in a general's mind
would be counter productive. War mentality is not and cannot be the same as
civilian mentality. In war, sacrifices must be made. In war, soldiers are
expendable. In war, there is a cause that has precedent over human life. In
war any and every action which will lead to conquering the opposing forces
is desirable. Win at all costs. This is the great tragedy of the war
mentality. In war total disregard for suffering is desirable.
This is different than the warrior mentality. For the warrior, the Way is to
end conflict. For the warrior, there is a time to strike, but that time
comes rarely and only in the most extreme of situations. Once the time of
conflict has ended, the warrior regrets having gotten to that edge. The
warrior questions himself and his conduct. "Could I have found a better way?
A way that would have not harmed another being?" The warrior's work after
the conflict is often times much more arduous than the training for it.
This is not like the soldier. The soldier is trained to kill. Living, for
the soldier, is a happy accident. For the soldier must walk into the
conflict with only one purpose, to destroy the enemy. If the soldier loses
life or limb on the way, these are considered acceptable consequences. This
is during war. After the war, peace is restored, when the soldier returns.
We have learned that there are unspoken consequences--the nightmares and
sicknesses that follow the soldier into peacetime are far harder to address.
We have learned that even the winners suffer enormously.
So when we engage in war, we must do so reluctantly. We must endeavor to end
it quickly. We must prepare ourselves to rebuild and to heal the wounds
caused by both sides. We must reflect upon how never to allow it to happen
again.
Now that we are at war, protesting the fact serves less purpose than
endeavoring to guide us back again and again to our highest moral
ground--the ground of correct human behavior, the ground wherein we treat
others as we would be treated. Since we cannot lose this war, we "must" not
lose this war; we will have to treat the defeated in our victory, as we
would be treated in theirs. Even if they do not treat us right, we must not
stoop so low as to lose our own dignity. We must preserve our compassion
even so.
Our anger will abate. When it does, let us be able to say that we did our
best to treat others with compassion. To treat our enemy with compassion
means several important things. First of all, we must treat them with
justice. If they are to be punished for crimes against humanity, they must
be appropriately given their opportunity to present a defense. If punished
it must be done within the confines of the law. Secondly, we must help to
restore the means of life for all those who were part of the war due to the
proximity of where they lived during the war. We must remember that not all
citizens of a given nation are our enemies. Thirdly, we must remember the
reasons we engaged in the war. We did not engage in order to conquer a
nation. We did not engage to subjugate its people. We engaged in an effort
to defend our way of life. We engaged to in an effort to put an end to the
violence of terrorism. Be we the conquerors or the vanquished we must still
rise above the fray of our baser selves, those selves able to kill and
destroy. For this is truly the great lesson of this life: compassion.
We are born with egos that want for ourselves, but we must resist the ego's
call to selfishness and reach out from loving hearts to share our kindness
generously, willingly, endlessly. On the outside we have taken actions.
Irrespective of these actions, we must elicit the change toward love in
ourselves. Otherwise we risk inflicting pain upon ourselves. There is pain
to hating. There is great suffering in anger and fear. We all feel these
feelings; our work is to transform them. Not to blame ourselves for creating
these feelings, no, we want to own them so that we can change them. Hence,
we mustn't be victims. Even if attacked, even if killed, we must not be
victims. We must not be so weak as to see ourselves as victims.
We must know that what we live for, what we stand for, who we are as
individuals and communities are the reasons to hold our heads high. If we
have nothing to be ashamed of in our behavior toward others, we can endure
our fate. There is no rhyme nor reason to death, to who dies and who
doesn't. Sept. 11 taught us that. People who are simply INNOCENT die, just
as much, if not more, than the guilty. Certainly, in these recent tragedies,
far more innocent died. In war, soldiers and civilians die. Men women and
children die. Dogs die. Cats die. So do fish and hamsters. Trees die. There
is nothing that doesn't get killed during wars. We're all vulnerable, all
the time.
What do we do? How do we cope? How do we go on living? We must transform the
fear. We must transform the very aspects of our lives that keep us from
living fully. We have to appreciate what we have. We need to give thanks, to
hold close our loved ones, to cherish each moment. We can't live like this
and be in anger. We must transform. We must change these feelings from ones
that steer us into negativity into ones that release us into recognizing the
good we have right now. We must turn from the shadow of our own making into
light, which comes from life itself. Call it God, call it Spirit or Great
One. Call it Allah, or Yahweh, Nature, Tao or Goddess. It matters not the
name. That which animates the life in each of us, this unexplainable,
elusive, indomitable force, this gift, this existence is what we must treat
as sacred in ourselves and in others.
In light and love,
Marc